Hi there, I'm your 'dark' salesman. We've got a special sale on 'dark' things this season. What's your problem today sonny? Equations not working out? Need a little fudge factor? I'm thinking on the order of 70-80%. No Problemo!
We know you cosmologists and astronomers work hard all thru the night to make our lives seem like they're worthwhile and we're here to help! Just tell us your problem and we'll design a 'dark' package just for you! The cost is small and the benefits are so enormous, not to mention, you get to keep your job. And what could be better in a sour Bush-Obama economy?
We've helped many persons just like yourself get over the daily drudgery of trying to make things come out right. Medical professionals around the world are using our packages to fight dark bacteria and dark viruses, using dark drugs as well. Our new product, dark microbes, will take this to an even higher level.
Still on the drawing board, but out soon, will be 'dark molecules', intended for highly advanced chemists, but can also be used by common housewives or husbands as well.
So don't delay any longer! We need these nagging problems fixed. Visit us on the web, we're under, you guessed it, 'the dark professionals'.
There is so much to gain, and the only loss you will incur is the lack of any scientific morality that you probably never had anyway.
As an added bonus for circumscribing right now, cosmologists recieve the bonus pack, "You will never be asked about quasars" and the companion, "They sure look like they're connected".
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